Traffic 101

I had it all planned out. My exam was at 11:30 this morning. It takes me a solid hour to get to class. I’d leave at ten and have that extra half hour to study at school with Geoff right before walking in to take my final. But…



10:02am: I left my house. Down high street, down main street, onto route 61.


10:07am: I realize I forgot my cell phone at home. Damn it.



10:11am: Traffic stopped.


Well, I figure something’s gone on, but we’ll be moving again in just a few.


10:20am: My car still hadn’t moved an inch and my left arm was starting to get sun burned. I drank my old Pepsi and warm bottled water in less than a minute.


10:22am: Thoroughly bored. The cops weren’t letting any cars through and they weren’t letting anyone turn around.


10:25am: With nothing left to do I tried to study while I broiling myself in the sun. Not recommended.


10:26am: Whoo! Astronomy is just as much (scarcastic) fun in the 97 degree heat as it is in an air conditioned room!


10:30am: After my skin turned a few shades of red I moved to the passengers side to the car to relax and study some more.


10:37am: It first hits me that I might be late to my final exam. I take the most depressing picture I can manage while still being trapped inside my car.


10:45am: I lost my mind at 10:45.


With what little conscious I had left I tried amusing myself by taking pictures of my car mirrors.


10:50am: Traffic started moving again but my mind was still so far gone that I couldn’t stop taking pictures of my car’s mirrors.

Somehow I made it to Stillman Hall today in forty minutes. I had no idea how the hell that was possible.

Back to the grind-- now I'm back to studying for Art History. Wish me luck! And please kiddies, stay away from the astronomy.

Wow

Okay, it’s late (almost two hours into my 21st birthday) but I just have to share this. Tonight Geoff and I went out to see Star Wars III and the Firefly trailer came on! God lord almighty and some other common religious phrase! My toes wiggled and my smile was insane. I even clapped a little bit. Wow. Yes, I just have to share this moment of… wow.

Also, Star Wars III sucked ass but gave me a lot of stuff to make fun of for the next few weeks. The fifteen bucks for the movie was totally worth it for the Firefly trailer. Wow.

Dear world,

Saturday, June 4th, is my birthday. I’ll be twenty one! And I want to go skydiving for my birthday but it costs money and no one in my family wants to give me the money to go because they’re afraid I’ll die and it will be their fault but I really, really, really wanna go so…. send me money! I figure if I get a tenth of a penny from each person in the world then I’ll have enough to go sky diving for the rest of my life. Now, just contribute a little itty bit and let me jump out of a plane.

Thank you.

Fucking Nature

Ohio’s a beautiful place. Really. While some think of it as a little forest full of a spin off species of hillbilly-rednecks with an inherited dislike for Michigan, it can really be quite nice. We’ve got beautiful rolling hills, thick forests, wild flowers, pastry shops, quaint farms, grand Victorian towns, and hoards of men that help little old ladies across the street, (something I saw just yesterday). We also have a large range of innocent wildlife, like the fucking possum that waddled in front of my car last night at about 2:20am. Or the deer that was prancing around the right lane of route 61 about 2:25am last night. Or the fucking heard of deer that followed him across the street at 2:26am. A few wandering cats and a raccoon later I realized that there must be some kind of kick ass wildlife Memorial Day barbeque going on. Rock on nature but stay off my streets. And… if you’ve gotta be on my road, wear some sexy neon reflectors please.

"Iny weeny teeny weeny shriveled little short dick man"

All at once now!

Do the dance of joy! And sing the words, “ha, ha, ha, ha, my car wasn’t stolen!”

Yesterday I locked my keys in my car. Locked my keys in my pretty new car. Locked my keys in my pretty new car as it was parked on 17th avenue off of High Street, aka: Fraternity Road. The keys were sitting right on the passenger’s seat screaming at every single drunk college kid, “smash the window and steal this pretty car and the shiny CD player and oh, take those roller blades while you’re at it”. My car survived a whole night, a FRIDAY night, on 17th avenue with the keys locked inside in plain sight! Aghh! I am still amazed.

Again!

The dance of JOY!

---

Side note: I've recently become infatuated with a new song. This one's called "Short dick man" by 20 fingers. It's just so random and repetitive that I can't help but enjoy it. I don't recommend it to anyone.

And, as a minor addition: 20 fingers has many other equally nasty songs I'm currently enjoying such as "boom I fucked your boyfriend”, “lick it before your stick it”, and something that’s talking about an “ugly mother-sucker”. I personally like song “choke my chicken”, it has real squawking sounds and a barn dance/redneck rap quality.

FUCK

Tonight I was in a very icky mood. (Still am but also on my way to recovery… read on.) I was quite prepared to cry and scream and rant in text, but probably not actually post, about how I feel ten ways to horrible but then I got home. I walked in all teary and walked right into my brother. I had already cried till I was dry, I was a whole sore throat past the screaming, but still had the rant left in me. I had just started when he told me with a little laugh, “shut up.” And damn, who knew how much that could help? Sometimes I really need someone who loves me to tell me to shut up. Then there was the pretty smell of lilacs, the smell of my backyard in summer, from a big bouquet on the kitchen table. And then my cat, Jack, who was waiting for me on the toilet when I walked into the bathroom to pee. And my nightly ritual of chips and salsa finished off the list of good to end the night.

Recipe for happiness:
1. “Shut up.”
2. Lilacs.
3. Cats on toilets.
4. Chips and salsa.


A new universal truth I have recently learned:

1. If you have a flower lei hanging from your rear view mirror in your car, then you are one nasty fucker. That’s not your natural hair color nor your natural tan. Get your vanity plates away from me and act your age because you’re sure as hell not older than 17. And if, by chance, you are older than 17, then it’s because you’re the 17 year olds mother and you shouldn’t try to look like her because it’s scary and your driving is worse. Also, go the fuck away.

'cause pop rocks... hehehe

Spiteful Loner You are 71% Rational, 42% Extroverted, 57% Brutal, and 42% Arrogant.

You are the Spiteful Loner, the personality type that is most likely to go on a shooting rampage. You are a rational person and tend to hold emotions in very low-esteem; not only that, but you are also rather introverted, meaning you probably bury any emotions you feel deep inside yourself. Combine these traits with your hatred of others and your brutality, and it seems that you would be quite likely to shoot innocent people in a rampage. Not only that, but you are also a very humble person--not a braggart at all--meaning you could possibly have low-self esteem. This is only yet one more incentive to go on a shooting rampage, because you wouldn't care if you died as a result. Granted, you probably haven't gone on a shooting rampage and probably never will, but all the motivations are there. In conclusion, your personality is defective because you are too introverted, brutal, insecure, and rather unemotional. No wonder no one hangs around you, you morbid, cold-hearted freak! To put it less negatively: 1. You are more RATIONAL than intuitive. 2. You are more INTROVERTED than extroverted. 3. You are more BRUTAL than gentle. 4. You are more HUMBLE than arrogant. Compatibility: Your exact opposite is the Televangelist. Other personalities you would probably get along with are the Capitalist Pig, the Smartass, and the Sociopath. * * If you scored near fifty percent for a certain trait (42%-58%), you could very well go either way. For example, someone with 42% Extroversion is slightly leaning towards being an introvert, but is close enough to being an extrovert to be classified that way as well. Below is a list of the other personality types so that you can determine which other possible categories you may fill if you scored near fifty percent for certain traits. The other personality types: The Emo Kid: Intuitive, Introverted, Gentle, Humble. The Starving Artist: Intuitive, Introverted, Gentle, Arrogant. The Bitch-Slap: Intuitive, Introverted, Brutal, Humble. The Brute: Intuitive, Introverted, Brutal, Arrogant. The Hippie: Intuitive, Extroverted, Gentle, Humble. The Televangelist: Intuitive, Extroverted, Gentle, Arrogant. The Schoolyard Bully: Intuitive, Extroverted, Brutal, Humble. The Class Clown: Intuitive, Extroverted, Brutal, Arrogant. The Robot: Rational, Introverted, Gentle, Humble. The Haughty Intellectual: Rational, Introverted, Gentle, Arrogant. The Spiteful Loner: Rational, Introverted, Brutal, Humble. The Sociopath: Rational, Introverted, Brutal, Arrogant. The Hand-Raiser: Rational, Extroverted, Gentle, Humble. The Braggart: Rational, Extroverted, Gentle, Arrogant. The Capitalist Pig: Rational, Extroverted, Brutal, Humble. The Smartass: Rational, Extroverted, Brutal, Arrogant.

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 56% on Rationality You scored higher than 43% on Extroversion You scored higher than 70% on Brutality You scored higher than 45% on Arrogance

Link: The Personality Defect Test written by saint_gasoline on OkCupid Free Online Dating