Blah blah in the ass blah

My sweet beautiful hotel is located in a small kinda city. We’ve got dozens of stoplights, a little satellite campus, a bunch of strip malls, and some really, really good greasy Chinese/American food. But, as a little front desk girl at a little hotel in a little city, I like to keep tabs on the other little hotel girls and boys in the area. At least once during my shift I do call-arounds. I give a ring to each hotel, say my hi’s and how-do’s to everyone and then check up on my gossip.

Good gossip, though.

Work gossip.

“How many rooms you sell tonight? What rate are you selling? Any creepy locals hopping around? What kinds of freaks did you have to deal with? Do you accidentally call Sean at the ****** Inn John sometimes too?”

Tonight’s freak story from another hotel is sure to be a personal favorite:

Krissy: “So this chick comes down to the desk all pissed off saying that there were a bunch of guys dressed in black costumes and that they were hiding under cars in the parking lot last night. She wanted to know why we let that happen. Then she starts yelling and saying that there was also this one lady dressed up in a rat costume hiding under cars and standing in from of her room door all night just starring at her. And then guess what she did!”

Me: **snort, giggle, snort** “what?”

Krissy: “the bitch passes out in my lobby as she continues to scream about this rat lady! Oh yeah, John called,”

Me: “Sean, you mean Sean”.

Krissy: “Yeah, Sean called and said that the English ladies are back in town”.

And this is when I got a lot less giggley and just mostly scared.

The “English Ladies” are a mother daughter couple that travel from little old England—the very old part of England—a few times each year to visit family… or kidnap unsuspecting victims to make into stew. Despite the fact that some claim we’re speaking the same language, they’re impossible to understand. Every other word out of their mouths seems to be about something pornographic. Now, I’ve seen these ladies for a few days at a time on a couple of different trips spanning over the last two years, and each time I see them—at night, earlier that day, the next morning, four months later, etc—they’re always wearing the same thing! Same! It’s like somehow they’ve got English clothes and only one America outfit. But that outfit has to last them over about a two week stretch. Ew.

Last time they were in town I found myself in my little sexy baby blue kitten heels and my itty bitty skirt outside in the rain trying to heft their cow-sized luggage into their turtle-sized car. All this while listening to a 90+ English bag holler “blah blah blah in the ass blah blah fuck blah blah titties blah!” I translate this to “life with your legs, not your back.”

And I told Krissy tonight that if they come back to her, we’re sold out.

Have an insult, I hear it’s good for your heart-- like red wine and dark chocolate.
http://unquietmind.com/insult.html

Whaa

My first 3D model:



(due to my slacking participation in my first ever 3D modeling class)
- and please forgive the crappy quality, I'm re-sizing in Paint.

Now, it doesn’t look anything like the machinic diatom I originally intended it to—surprise, surprise—so I’ve given it a new title: “Potato That Sat in Water Too Long Time Whaaa”.

P.s. Today is my first day of non-sickness for the week. Yay.

Somebody wants to buy my cow coat!

…and I’m sick again. Started up for the third time this last Sunday and has been stuck with me all week. I’m starting to feel like a 90 year old man on the inside-- and I sound like one on the outside too. I have old-man-with-phenumonia voice. Maybe I just need to gum on some applesauce and wear a pair of short scratchy brown slacks with black socks to make myself feel better.

P.s. I’ve also become very addicted to “Lost” and think that Sun and Jin are the cutest couple ever and that Anna needs to be kicked off the island and that Sayid needs to cut his fingernails and then everyone will live happily ever after.



P.s.s. This is the cutest thing I've seen all day. Granted, I've been sleeping almost all day, but still-- wet kitty.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/hyc/sets/72057594097798552/

My 1st e-bay adventure

http://cgi.ebay.com/Black-White-Faux-Fur-Blazer-by-Crisca-from-Hungary_W0QQitemZ9305525613QQcategoryZ63860QQssPageNameZWDVWQQrdZ1QQcmdZViewItem

Please world, buy my cow coat.

Hello dear world of possibly only other sick people because those are the only people in their right minds that would be up at 4am,

Collapsing chests suck. And freezing fevers… those suck too.

I wish I saw this sign more often.

A quick lesson:

A lesson in lame-ass upholstery:

I have the most uncomfortable computer chair in all of pained-ass from bad-computer-chair history. It originally had a little black cover on the seat cushion (cushion in this instance = particle board covered with cloth). Then awhile ago I covered it in some gray and black animal print.




And apparently, at that time, went through a phase of unhealthy attachment to my dad’s staple gun.







After all the staples were out I grabbed half a bag of stuffing and mashed it all onto the seat.




Then the fuzzy blue material got wrapped around it all and I had a chance to STAPLE MORE!



The finished product. Squishy.



My ass is happy just thinking about it.