Functional with Flair

Ah, nothing like a drug bust to lull a girl off to sleep.

And nothing quite like those flashing police lights to help that pounding headache.

My house is right on the corner of main street and town, near the school; so if you’re gonna get pulled over in Kayt-land, it’s gonna be in front of my house. On top of that my room’s three windows (covered in a transparent white curtain at night) face main street, and the other faces town street. Then, the genius that I am positioned the head of my bed between three of the windows so when you do get pulled over in front of my house the police lights flash through my curtains, through my eyelids, and directly to my brain to pinch at my sensitive throbbing head veins. Ew and ow.

But, it’s like a live episode of Cops.

Less than an hour ago Jake and I sat on the second story steps and stared out through the cover of the stained glass windows to watch the arrest. Jake had mum’s lap top and was chatting on aol with the kid across the street, who was also sitting by his window watching.

We small town folks are so easily entertained.

It was a red car that two cops pulled over. A thin man was inside, looking like a cross between the Marlboro man and anorexic Santa. The cops pulled him out, hands on their nightsticks, checked his eyes over and over, and made him walk a straight line.

Oh boy.

Ten steps never looked so difficult. I think his feet managed to walk a straight line but the top half of his body was wobbling dangerously. Then there was a whole bunch of talking (Jake and I filled in our own dialogue), and then they handcuffed him. We all cheered.

And for the climax of his arrest, they searched his car. Smoking Santa was such an idiot. Handful after handful we watched the cops pull out small plastic packets of drugs and pile them on top of the car. Handcuffed Santa man just sat in the back of one of the police cruisers and freaked out with all manner of yelling. Well… I couldn’t hear him, but unless he was just red faced and mouthing dirty words with large puffs of air, he was yelling. When the cops rove off with him, Jake and I left our watch post. I glanced out the window a few minutes ago on my way downstairs-- they’ve managed to make the red car disappear. I’m pretty impressed. I don’t know if someone used his keys and drove it somewhere or if they towed it, but whatever it was, it was fast. Way to go, cops, and thanks for the show, just get a damn dimmer on those lights please.