Functional with Flair

Today’s post is brought to you by the fact that I just really don’t want to do my English final. So instead, a story about my bathroom spider.

About 80 years ago our downstairs bathroom was a little pantry thing. It was just a tiny dent in the wall with a door over it that the cook would put canned goods in. Then, years later, for absurd reasons unknown, someone decided to pull out the shelves and put a toilet and a sink in there. I’m thinking that this happened during the depression when the Virtue family that lived here was starving. They didn’t have food, so why have a pantry? They were all skinny and starving, so it wasn’t much trouble to fit themselves into the tiny bathroom. Fast forward a few centuries, the people living in this house no longer weigh 90 lbs or less… it is now the trouble bathroom.

To get inside this bathroom is something of an obstacle. You open the door first, then turn to the side and shuffle a few steps. Once your hip hits the sink, ( it almost touches the door when closed) you have to bend your knees and shuffle. If you’ve managed to suck in and do the shuffle correctly you should find yourself on the toilet with your legs pinned neatly under the sink.

So that’s the 2x3 foot pantry/bathroom I’m sure you all wanted to hear about, now for my spider. A few months ago, I spotted a tiny spider hiding the wallpaper pattern of the bathroom. He was white with almost invisible clear legs and was just a little jumpy. I would have squished him right then and there but… well that’s just icky. I figured he’d move on to another part of the house and I’d forget about him. But no. In addition to being jumpy he was also quite voyeuristic. Every time I found myself in that tiny bathroom he was there… watching. I nick named him Tom Harrington (“Peeping Tom” … original eh?), greeted him with a little puff of air. He’d jump and I would know he was alive.

But, a few weeks ago I noticed he was missing. I don’t know if he just got sick of me puffing air at him and disrupting his web, or maybe he needed a change of scenery. A new wallpaper, a new bathroom. I may never know. (Cue dramatic soap opera-ish music. Fade to black, new scene.)

Eck, maybe he was murdered. I never considered that. Well, the point is, I am now lacking a bathroom spider. I’ll be interviewing applicants from the back corner of the basement tomorrow, but I don’t think it will be the same. No one will ever be able to replace Tom Harrington.


Military code name generator:
http://www.ubique.ch/codename/

The Generator figured this would be a good codename for my naval battle in Russia:
Rolling Flash

Watch out Russia. Operation Rolling Flash is coming your way!


Okay, now I really need to do my English final.